The Avengers!

Okay so first you have to watch the real trailer.

Then watch this trailer of the Avengers (on a budget)! Too funny.

Rating:

6 STARS!!!!!

So....where to even begin???? Wow. Okay, I know where...SPOILERS. I know it's in the heading above, but I want to make sure you know that I will be giving away stuff here.

So...as I said in previous entries, I made sure I went in watching all of the Avenger movies before the Avengers. Now...this isn't totally necessary, so don't worry if you haven't seen it. It's helpful because you know almost all the characters then already, and know their background stories. The only new backgrounds is Black Widow, as all we really knew about her was that she kicks ass and she's a spy for SHIELD. We also get to see a little more of Hawkeye, who only did a brief appearance in Thor.

So it opens up with a crisis happening in SHIELD's homebase. The Tesseract, which is the blue cube we see in Captain America, is acting up. They have Erik Selvig (from Thor) working on it, trying to figure out ways to contain that energy. There's unlimited energy emitting from the cube. They say they want to harness the energy for the good of human kind. But the cube is acting up. It's giving off gamma radiation, which as Nick Fury points out, can be harmful (i.e., The Hulk! Lol). Hawkeye comes down from his 'nest' from up above, where he is over looking everything. He says that he hasn't seen any tampering with the cube, but as it's a portal, or door to another dimension, he believes the door is opening from the other side. And he's right. As soon as he says this, the cube goes crazy, and bursts a hole into the other side of the room. The hole collapses, and what is left is....LOKI.  HA! I want to clap every time I see this. ...it's weird how much I adore Loki...I know.

So he has a super badass scepter in this that is powered by the cube. He points it at Nick Fury and everyone else and blows up most of the room. He kicks ass. They open fire on him, but the bullets have no effect. He's a freakin God, for crying out loud. He then puts his scepter against the chest of hawkeye, who then puts down his gun, and is all of a sudden on Loki's side. He argues with Nick for a bit, introduces himself as Loki, and takes over Erik Selvig and another guard. Nick tries to take the cube, but he stops him. He says that he is here to help human kind, Nick doubts this, but he says that he wants to free people of the horrible thing called freedom. Really funny. He thinks that people should be ruled by a powerful being. Him.
Him and the people he now controls take the briefcase with the Tesseract now in it, and Hawkeye shoots Nick Fury.
They make it to the car when Nick Fury calls Agent Hill (played by Colbie from HIMYM). Tells her to stop them, which starts a pretty wicked car chase scene.

But they lose.

So they need The Avengers.

Coulson calls Black Widow, who is about to be tortured by some Russians. The situation looks bad, till you realize she's maniputating them. Coulson gets her on the phone, in a VERY funny scene. She kicks the Russian's ass, and Coulson tells her to go find the 'big guy'. She says that Stark does trust her, and he says 'no, the big guy!'. Black Widow does not look happy by this.

She ends up in the slums in India and tricks him to go to the edge of the city (now I heard some Indian's are PISSED that India was portrayed like this. But I think that's just so over sensitive. They did other places in the Hulk film. They could do the US, but obviously the Hulk wanted to flee his own country. They had to picks slums SOMEWHERE. I do NOT believe that this movie reflects that the majority of India is slums. I believe it just shows a desperate man trying to help a poor part of a city. It could have been anywhere!). So anyway, she, in another funny scene, convinces The Hulk to come onboard and look for the Tesseract. As he's the person that knows Gamma rays better than anyone else they feel they need him. Bruce Banner seems very skeptical but in the end, he agrees.

Nick Fury goes to Captain America, who is busy punching his punching bag...funny scene. And he gives him the information about the tesseract and asks for his help. Captain America is not very excited about it, but agrees to help. He's definitely very cynical now, which is very different from his first film. But I guess being stuck in ice for 70 years can do that to you.
Coulson calls Tony Stark, who is on a date with his now girlfriend, Pepper. Which is funny. Their relationship is just how you would expect it. She's still not taking shit from him. Love it. Super funny scene. Tony refuses to answer Coulson call, but he ends up showing up in the room anyway. Security breach. Pepper welcomes 'Phil', in which Tony is like "Phil? Who's Phil? His first name's 'Agent'". Haha. I guess it is the first time in four movies that we heard his first name.
So he gives Tony a pack of information to read up on about the Tesseract. Reluctantly he also agrees to help.

We then see Coulson and Captain America flying onto the new base, which looks like an aircraft carrier. Coulson gushes over Captain America who seems incredibly uncomfortable, but it's funny. He sees a video of the Hulk. As Captain America is the way he is because of gamma injections, he finds it interesting how the Hulk turned the way he is, an uncontrollable monster.

When he meets Bruce Banner on the base they are very civil to one another. Black Widow leads them inside, as the aircraft carrier turns into a flying ship, that can turn invisible by using reflection panels. At this point they show Bruce to his lab, and they find Loki...hanging out at an Art Gallery in Germany. He's there because they need a rare element. Loki is dressed all nice and strolls around, smacks a security guard in the face, and attacks the speaker, flipping him over, and stabbing him in his eye. Meanwhile. Hawkeye is at the security door as a holographic image of the eye appears, and he's able to get in. Loki runs outside of the museum and blows up a police car, and herds the people into a group (by appearing multiple times around them). He makes them kneel, saying that they crave subjugation, and that they will always kneel. One brave old man stands up and says not to him. Loki is about to blow him up when Captain America flies in and saves him. Whatever. So they fight, and Loki is clearly the better, but then Iron Man flies in and saves Captain America. He puts a lot of weapons at Loki, and Loki surrenders.
As they are on board of the ship with Black Widow, Captain America says that he believes Loki gave up too easily. He realizes that he's powerful, yet he just caved in the end. Stark is cocky though, and thinks that he's just that powerful. Loki doesn't talk, but when he hears some thunder and lightening he looks scared. Captain looks at him and is like what you scared of a little lightening? And Loki, looking around him says that he's not very fond of what generally follows. With this, Thor lands on the aircraft. Tony opens up the door to the aircraft, and Thor enters, steal Loki's and flies away. Iron Man is mad, and flies off after them. Captain is mad that Iron Man left, and flies after him. Black Widow is annoyed by all of this.

Thor talks to Loki, and begs him to give up the Tesseract and come home. He thought Loki was dead, and you can tell he genuinely feels a little relief that he's not dead. Yet he's angry with him and threatens him and begs him to come home. You can see that Loki is still hurt by living in his brother's shadows all his life. He's angry with Thor, and does not want to return to that state. One of the funniest lines in the movie, I think, comes next. Thor says something like, "Listen to me, Brother" and Iron Man crashes into him, leaving Loki alone who then says, "I'm Listening..." HA.

Iron Man and Thor have a major battle in the woods then, fighting over Loki, which is pretty cool. Loki just sits up in a cliff watching them...smiling. I love how he smiles at this. It's so....Loki. And does NO one notice that he doesn't even attempt an escape? He just watches and smiles.

Then Captain America interrupts their fight. Thor attempts to hit him with his hammer, which flattens most of the forest. After that the three of them kinda give up realizing that no one was going to win anytime soon.

They bring Loki onto the big ship, and as he passes Bruce Banner in one of the labs, he gives a very evil grin. I love it. Loki is so amused by this. Nick Fury locks him up and threatens him. Basically if he manages to break through the glass he will drop out of the ship and smash onto the ground like a pancake. Loki is still amused, and suggests that this cage was not really meant for him, was it? Everyone realizes that it was meant for the Hulk.  He makes a jab at how the Tesseract is real power, and they don't even know what to do with it, is it just a warm light for all human kind to share? Fury leaves Loki in the cage, and returns to the bridge (okay...their ship reminds me a little of star trek. Anyone else?).  Everyone assembles there, and Stark comes up and starts talking about science that is way above my or anyone elses head, in another really funny scene. He and the Hulk go and deal with all their sciency stuff together. Everyone questions Thor what his brother is up to. He says that he has an army that is going to come down and take over Earth, and he plans to rule it, in exchange for the Tesseract. In my second favorite quote of the movie, the Hulk calls Loki crazy, Thor starts to defend him by saying he's from Asgard and he's his brother. ScarJo says "He killed 80 people in two days" and Thor concedes"...he's adopted". HA.
Nick Fury asks him if Thor could get the location of the tesseract out of Loki, and he says he doesn't know. Nick questions why Loki seems to be the only one who wants to be on that ship. Good question Fury.
ScarJo sneaks up on Loki and starts questioning him about his plans with Hawkeye. In a realitively awesome scene with Loki, he in the end says that he will have Hawkeye kill her, and then bring him back to his own sanity to see what he's done, and then he'll split his skull. Lovely. She calls him a monster, and Loki says, no you guys brought the Monster. That's when ScarJo realizes he plans to release the Hulk against them. She thanks him for his cooperation. He looks a bit confused by this, but she tells Fury.
Meanwhile,  Stark and Banner are working on finding the cube. Captain comes in and Stark admits he doesn't trust Fury. Banner admits that for someone so desperate to find an unlimited power source, it was weird that he hasn't consulted Stark, who is the leading name in clean energy. Captain says it's none of their business, but Stark is breaking all the encryptions in their database, so he can find out what they really want the Tesseract for. Captain is angry with them, but as soon as he leaves the room, he realizes that they are right. There is something fishy going on. He breaks into the vaults and finds weapons. He comes back, and Fury is there yelling at Stark for hacking into their database. He yells at him for using the tesseract for making weapons of mass destruction. Captain throws the gun down on the table, and Fury gets frustrated by all of this. ScarJo comes into the room and tells Banner he needs to leave. They are all being manipulated by Loki, so the Hulk gets mad. They all start a major fight. That's when Hawkeye makes a special appearance and blues up one of the engines. They start a big fight, in which the Hulk does get unleashed. He starts chasing after ScarJo which is scary. Loki smiles in his jail cell. Love him.
Captain and Iron Man go and try to fix the engine. Thor is fighting bad guys, and is sent to go and try to control the Hulk. As the Hulk is about the kill the Black Widow, she is saved by Thor, who starts his major fight with the Hulk. It is apparent that the Hulk is stronger, but I think Thor is faster, so it's a pretty interesting fight. Black Widow just sits there frozen with fear. They enter the bridge and shut down the remaining engines. Captain gets attacked while Iron Man is fixing the engine, which almost gets him killed.  But they manage it. They send a jet to take out the Hulk, but the hulk just gets pissed and jumps out and attacks the jet. They both crash. Thor then goes and confronts Loki, who finds him walking out of his cell. He tries to tackle him, but Loki does his vanishing trick, and closes the cell on Thor. Thor hits the glass with his hammer, and the jail cell almost falls out of the ship. Loki laughs. Then his henchmen is killed by Agent Coulson, who is hilarious. He threatens to kill Loki, but then Loki disappears again and stabs him in the back. IT'S SOOOO sad. :( But somehow he still tells a joke.
Loki hits the button and Thor's cell drops out of the ship. Coulson still manages to pull the trigger and shoots Loki across the room.
Loki still manages to escape. Thor manages to break out of the jail cell before it smashes into the ground. Coulson is pronounced dead, but before he dies, he says that this may be the push that the Avengers needed.

Everyone is pissed and scattered. It looks bad for our heroes. Captain, Black Widow and Iron Man are the only ones left. Oh I forgot to mention that the Black Widow recovers from her bout with the Hulk, and beats the crap out of Hawkeye.
This does help Hawkeye actually. She hits him on the head, and after some time he is back to himself.

Iron Man and Captain discuss Coulson, and Loki. Iron Man is sad about Coulson. He says Loki made it personal, but then realized that was the point. He wanted to divide and conquer them because he knew together they were a bit to strong for him to defeat. Then he realizes that Loki is a bit of a diva, and would want a lot of attention in his war. Therefore...of course...it would be his huge skyscraper with his name on it that he would have this event take place. He flies to NYC, to his tower, to find out he's right. The Tesseract and Erik Selvig are on the roof. He can't penetrate the shield around the tesseract, but knocks Erik out at least. He goes down and meets Loki in his own house. He offers Loki a drink, and threatens him. REALLY funny scene, as seen in the preview. Even funnier than that.

Then Iron Man is thrown out of the window by Loki, but his suit chases him. Kinda funny. Thor shows up and him and his brother start fighting in another pretty decent fight. ScarJo, Captain and Hawkeye show up but are blown out of the sky by Loki. The Tesseract starts up and blows a hole in the sky opening up another dimension. The alien army comes in and starts killing everyone. The Avengers then do their major battle with some really great exceptional scenes. Bruce Banner ends up showing up, which is funny. He manages to control himself and turns his anger towards the aliens, saving them. Loki falls off the tower and lands on the little aircraft of his alien army friends. Thor joins the rest in the streets. Iron Man tells Captain to make the game plan. They FINALLY all work together. Thor conjures lightning and fights. Black Widow and captain are on the ground fighting. Iron Man lifts Hawkeye to a rooftop ("Clench up, Legolas" HA), and they take the sky. And the Hulk.....smashes. They are still clearly being defeated, but they are holding their own pretty well. There's a funny scene still where the Hulk punches Thor, unexpectedly. They continue to fight, when the council tells Fury that they are releasing a nuclear bomb.....on Manhattan. So not cool. So Fury tells Iron Man that they have a problem. Black Widow ends up commandeering a alien aircraft, and flies up to stark tower. Loki gets mad and chases her. Hawkeye shoots an arrow at him and he CATCHES IT! Ha! I loved that. but then the arrow blows up. So not cool. As soon as Black Widow lands on the tower, Loki follows and then gets smashed by the Hulk. He yells at him and tells him that he's a God, and he's a monster and has to listen to him, but then he gets smashed....a lot.....which is hilarious, and everyone laughs a lot...but I love Loki....sooo I'm up in the air for that one.
Erik, who is now back to normal, tells ScarJo that he knows a way to stop this. He built a fail safe into the tesseract machine. She knows she can close it now, and tells the team. Iron Man tells her to wait though, as he has a nuclear missile in his hands, and knows where he wants to put it. He enters into the hole and throws the nuke at the alien ship. It goes off, and all the Aliens on Earth die. Yay! But Iron Man almost dies in the process. ScarJo has to close the hole, and as she does, it's unclear if Tony made it out.  But as they already confirmed Iron Man 3.....HE MAKES IT! Yay! But he's definitely passed out. When it's clear he isn't going to catch is fall. Thor starts to take off, but it's the Hulk who catches him and saves his life. They save the day. And it's over. Iron Man suggests that they all try Schwarma...lol.
They all surround Loki, who asks for a drink that Iron Man offered earlier. Ha. They handcuff him and put a lovely mouth piece over him. Thor takes Loki and the Tesseract back to Asgard. Iron Man and Bruce Banner drive away together. Captain America hopes on a motorcycle and drives off to explore. Black Widow and Hawkeye say goodbye to the rest. The council yells at Nick Fury for letting Thor take the Tesseract and Loki back to Asgard, but Fury states he didn't want to argue with the God that made that decision. He says that they will come back when they are needed.

After the first third of the credits a scene pops up again. The people who gave Loki the scepter to begin with appear, and we find out the big boss man is none other than Thanos. A super bad villan who is OBSESSED with death and mayhem. This is significant in a few ways. He is known to have fought most of the Avengers at one point or another in the comics. So this suggested possibly another Avengers, or that he'd be the bad guy in someone's movie coming up...or maybe another underlying theme. Another significance to it, is it was a slap in the face to DC comics. IF DC decides to do a movie based on the Justice League, the bad guy that would use is DarkSeid....who was a rip off of Thanos. See below:
Thanos on left, Darkseid on right

Darkseid was the superhero villan for the Justice League though. So essentially Marvel is trying to beat DC to the punch. Kinda political...kinda funny...and kinda a good move.

So then the credits roll again, and after ALL Those names (I swear everyone in Hollywood worked on this film) we see the Avengers sitting in a beaten broken down shop eating...Schwarma. They don't say anything. They just eat for like thirty seconds. The end.


It's hilarious.

Best movie definitely of the year, if not for the last few years. I really looked forward to Iron Man 3, Captain America 2, of course Thor 2 (Which will have Loki again), and now the recently confirmed Avengers 2!!!! These next few years will be filled with awesome comic greatness.


Hope you enjoyed this ridiculously long overview and review. Go see this movie. Go see it multiple times. Then by it when it comes out on DVD...because it's worth it!!!


-LJ

Photo from: http://www.corvusonline.net/thanos/TvsD2.html